I've found a new meaning in life and the meaning is to live for you

2007-10-08T18:20:00.000+09:30

Oh god, has it been like months??? i've not even updated my blog. Heh. well, seems like i've been a little too busy these few days with my new disease. Well yes, to all that are going to read this, i'm ill, i'm unwell, and i need medication to sustain the disease. my doctor said that i am not going to recover from this illness at all. and that actually many females out there are also down with this illness. i'm rather worried about it, yet on the other hand, what the hack, just move on with it... haha...

i've finally done something to my hair. my horrible broom. yes. i've dyed it red and permed it to slide alongside my natural waves. now the next thing to reach is to continue consuming my medication. wanna know what sickness i've gotten??? well, ive gotten the worse of the worse, the sickness of the korean disease. this disease is so fatal, it literally enters your blood stream and puncture your organs leaving behind a moment of demented mind. all you think and can think about is the korean drama at home, awaiting you to return and placing it into the player to watch... oh god... oh god.......... hahaha... well other than shai, lets see who are my top ten most handsome korean actors.

so lets go to number 1 - he is non other than: Hyun Bin.

he stared in the show, My lovely Sam Soon, as the lead actor who comes from a rich family. he met this fat girl and seemed to have a contract signed with her. I've yet to complete watching the show, but i do hope for a goon ending. rating for the show, 8/10.

Next, the number 2 most handsome actor will be, Lee Dong Wook.

He stared in the show, My girl, acting as a rich handsome grandson of a dying old man. to fufill the old man's wish, he bought a fake granddaughter for the grandfather. eventually, the two fell in love.

Number 3, hmmmm well this actor, might not be very handsome to some others, and might not have the wow factor in others, i do find him handsome... but i do find him charming in the show Winter Sonata. Well, only because of the decent looks and neat clean character. Bae Yong Joon.

Next, my number 4 most handsome korean actor, hmmm this i won't call a pure korean, cause he is infact a mixture. definately. well he acted in my lovely sam soon as well, here is his picture. his name is daniel henney.

Number 5, well he acted in a show many years ago, which i watched when i was in secondary school. well, he is called, Lee Byeong Heon. He acted in the show beautiful days, with this lady, my mother called the ke lian actress.. only because she looks like she is very fragile.

Next, my number 6. He acted in one show, the Autumn in my heart. He was not the lead actor in the show. but he was the one who acted as a play boy who fell deeply in love with a woman who will never love him back in return. he is non other than Won Bin.

Number 7. If i remembered correctly, this actor acted in a show, quite recently on tv. i think its the Sweet 18, where he got married to a girl, who was only 18 years old. being 10 over years senior of her, this comedy eventually show them falling in love with one another.

Number 8. This actor, i believe he acted in a show about Medical brothers. and one more about Ai Shang Nu Zhu Buo. But i am not sure about the actual name of the show.

Number 9. Well, i don't really find him handsome, just that he could have a proper hair cut and change in some of his make up. the makeup for him is too thick, making him look rather gay. but even so, he did have some points added to the handsome list. Find him in My girl, as Lee Dong Wook, cousin and best buddy.

Lastly, the number 10 most handsome actor in my list, is non other than Song Seung Heon. He can be found in Autumn in my heart. AS the lead actor. but, he is not that cute looking to me though. unfortunatly. heh.

Now that thats done and placed aside, lets go to the next section soon... hahaha no la... i haven't gotten a list, or top 10 korean drama watched and rated by deborah huber yet.... muahaha.. alright then, next time.

2007-07-10T23:11:00.000+09:30

Journal Day 2

9 am
We clocked in at 8.30 today. Early but we got some time to have our breakfast.
Today was my second day at the centre. Miss Janet attached me to the shoe and bag removal station.
At the dining room, the children were all eating their breakfast and getting ready for their lessons.

10 am
The children then lined up and return back to their respective classes.
The Chinese teacher was having her lesson and I blended in to listen.
Half way, Agnes told me to help her with some worksheet. I also tried to learn the names of the children around the class.
The assistant teacher came into the class at about 11.pm.

11 am
The assistant teacher came into the class.
Now there were three adults in the classroom with 18 children.
Unfortunately, for a paid assistant teacher, I really don’t understand how come she could just pull a chair and sit at one corner, not even lifting a finger to help in aiding the class.
I sat with the children and responded in Agnes’s class.

12 pm
The children queued up for lunch.
School bus children went home.
The rest of them queued up for bath time.
I got the shower duty again.
Finally, the day for us ended at 1.30 pm today.

2007-07-09T20:45:00.000+09:30

Journal Day 1
9 am
It was reporting time for start of practicum. But we reached at 8.45, just to play safe.

We were brought around the centre by Miss Janet, who gave us an introduction to everything and every area of the centre.

10 am
Miss Janet than attached me to Miss Agnus to observe or at least pick up some skills in her class. She was the teacher of a K2 class and the children were delightfully welcoming and interesting.

The class was having a Chinese spelling test then and was busy with their work. I sat one corner first so as not to interrupt the class.

I got a chance to read a book to the children and interact with them while Miss Agnus took the other half of the class for some lessons.

Someone from the nursery was celebrating a birthday, so about 10 of the children went over.

11 am
I helped the children with their class work from their workbook. The lesson was based on English nouns and pronouns.

I got to know a few of the children, like Pablo, Nickolas and Bryan. The names of everyone will take awhile more to remember.

All the children were back in class and Miss Agnus told me to gather the children for lunch.

12 pm
Children gathered and went to wash their hands and gathered in the dining room for lunch. They were quickly fed and rushed off to catch their school bus.

Miss Janet taught me and Letchimi how to handle the shower room.
I cleaned up about 13 children and got them ready for their nap time.
The younger children take a longer time to change up as they are still learning how to remove their buttons and putting on their clothes.
We left the area at about 1.30pm.

2007-06-29T23:03:00.000+09:30

love ya shai shai

2007-05-28T23:50:00.000+09:30

Saturday, we painted the gate outside. now my house looks like chocolates.
Haha... with caramel and mocha flavoured chocolates.
Shai came over to help us.
with his help, the job was done and finished fast.
Whatever it was, we were just unlucky.
It rained after painting was done.
We got a new sofa, soon to deliver on thursday.
Loving shai more and more.
He is getting cute... dunno why also... more understanding.
Maybe he is reading up more on woman behaviour and mood change...
Alright shai... love ya

2007-04-24T21:03:00.001+09:30

today we went to the infant care center!!!
they all so cute...
we went there ourselves so we like enjoyed each other's company
seemed like there were some unseen problems around but we are all just trying to behave like adults and just forget the matter!!!
hmmmm tiring man.. the stupid pig still not finish la...
there are still alot of problem with the assignment that we have not completed..
HOW..
my curriculum planning also not started yet!!! die la...
kkk god will help me right... faster recover from all physical problems... like the ear infection and knee there the thing...
kkk god must help..
shai also must help me... dun care
kkk

2007-04-24T21:03:00.000+09:30

2007-04-21T23:20:00.001+09:30

Roar!!! woohoo... today was good!!!! it was great in fact
the morning started early... woke up at like 8am, and than called shaiful
although he was like 15 minuted late, he broke the record for not being late!!!
which is good!!
i'm still angry with you know who,
and still upset that they think we throw the lousy apple to them
still sore over the issue, won't show and tell in class though!!!
cp still not done, started on a few lesson plans le.
not enough... M&M also not done!!!
okok.... back to work

2007-04-21T23:20:00.000+09:30

2007-04-20T18:56:00.001+09:30

TIRED!!!!
skipped school today so that i don't have to see that Gandhi's face
thank god!!! she sucks to the core la
like what callie says... she pronounce language like langridge!!!!
muahaha
whatever la!!! i'm going crazy!!!
you think its fun having you know who in the group,
you people never tasted her yet and already complaining!!!
please hor!!! think for others!!!
what do you mean by we throw her to you all!!!
when we had to have her the time did we complain that you all give us the bad rubbish???
did we say that you all purposely and that the next time you all must have her???
grow up man... you know who!!!
not just SJ, she need to understand... i forgive her for her deeds.
she is still not trying hard enough though!!!!
think think think!!! always thinking for you all!!! leave letchimi alone!!!
she needs to breathe!!!!
she needs air!!! she don't like being caught in the middle!!!
man pity you girl!!!!
i'm fustrated!!! its really difficult to endure when so much stress is being thrown onto our shoulders weighing us down!!!

2007-04-20T18:56:00.000+09:30

2007-04-13T23:16:00.000+09:30

Gandhi is horrible... getting from bad to worse!!!
Today, the way she treat Fana.... GOD!!!!
what happen to her?? i used to like her alot...
i used to think she was a good lecturer...
still hot and number one in my best lecturer spot...
MISS SARAS!!!!!

today i went out with shai... heez he is getting cuter and cuter!!
i suddenly fell in love with the song - Here in your arms - by hellogoodbye
also... i'm still trying hard to get the song for the dance floor...
GOD... 4 assignment... none started at all...
20 lesson plans none started at all
one essay, not started...
1 group presentation... motor skill development... not planned at all
one new infant care assignment... haven't even breathed it at all...
GOD knows what to do....

okok... sex is a vitamin... i heard it releases stress... god...
help me man... can help me release some stress...
laughing alone not working lei...
kkk will update,...
remember ah... GOD... remember ah... help me release stress!!!!

2007-04-11T19:00:00.000+09:30

TIRED ....
what does that gandhi wants this time
everytime changing her assignment's items...
so much work to do already and she needs to add more...
WHATEVER LA
sujata is getting better now..
hope she will stay good...

shai shai... miss ya... saturday you coming to my house right???
heez... assignment totally not started...
one due this month
one due next month...
GOD

alright... will come back here...
oh if you know the song title of the DANCE FLOOR ad...
please tell me

2007-04-01T23:23:00.000+09:30

yo yo yo... i'm finally back to this horrible place, doing some horrible assignment... but thank god, its kinna in the finishing part already. music and movement is not as easy as it seemed to be...
we are doing our indian theme... cool man
hmmmmm yesterday, went out with my shai.... although the day didn't really went well, it was still ok after all...
Woo hooo... Mr world 2007... cuties... but nothing beats my shai shai...
haven't got to see my handsome in a tux yet man... boo hoo...
hahaha i learnt how to tie a sari... yeah my is orange with red pattern... the cloth is damn beautiful man... next time i have a wedding, i'll wear a sari...
hmmm kkkk CSI time... get back tomorrow or another time

2007-03-16T22:20:00.001+09:30

damn angry!!!
the coffee i loved was gone
mother had to throw it away... obviously
sick with horrible cough and flu
tired with not enough sleep
sujata is getting horrible
father hadn't come home for 5 nights
shit shit shit

2007-03-16T22:20:00.000+09:30

2007-03-15T23:54:00.000+09:30

hey i'm here today!!! haha... well its great man... today i spent my entire day with shaiful today... he made me so happy today... heez... well shai... i love ya
met cawin today... she is still so lovely man... beautiful as she always is and still as hot as........... woo.. ya she and her john guy la... haha
skipped school today... bet sujata must be damn angry... muahaha wish i could see the look of her face man... must be damn funny one man... shahira somemore call me and had to pretend that i'm not well haha...
one shit is down, now another shit left to consume... the next module is gonna be a killer... the curriculum planning... god... and somemore the previous curriculum planning file is not with me... how??? dunno man
hmmm tomorrow shai having a chalet if i'm not wrong... bbq also... but i'm not invited... haiz...
my father whole week never come back home already man... wah he damn daring man... thought that at least he will return home on tuesday or today...
whatever!!!

2007-03-14T17:14:00.001+09:30

Hey girls… hmmm those who have either read this or are reading this… thanks a lot for all the hard work you’ll have put in for this assignment… I felt that I’ve not done enough and must really thank you all for the efforts and for not minding the fact that I did little… personally apologized to those who felt I’ve done little for the assignment.. Also apologize for not coming to class yesterday… now that it’s finally over, I wanna thank andila and farhana for all the great job done… hmmm will better soon here…hurt my knee and now seems like I’m rather useless, other than the mouth I have… hmmm
I’m so tired… next module is curriculum planning and I’m not even done with my arts assignment… procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate only… hai… tired la…. Love you shai

2007-03-11T15:42:00.001+09:30

We were at sentosa on thursday... hmmm it was fun... hurt my knee but still fun... hmmm look how happy we were???
The place changed alot
Not much of walking needed this time
Very much comfortable
Place was clean and service was great
Hot weather!!!

2007-03-11T15:42:00.000+09:30

2007-03-11T01:32:00.000+09:30

Hey man.. Finally got some time to breathe… hmm man life today was great, I managed to meet shai for a great 9 hours and managed to smell him for the whole 9 hours.. Too bad to his so called great parents rule… too bad to them.. Tell them that their rule will never make a difference in our relationship. Tell them to get a life and be just pleasant for a while… god dammit… they too free ah, nothing else better to do.. Davenna told me that the show 300 was great.. I believe that it was… missed the preview… special tickets some more… because the next day I had school… and no more money to take taxi some more… hmmm shai you’re the greatest… you know that right??? Hmmm your father stupid la… paint the door at this time… hope you are feeling better now… hmmm mahjong today was ok… didn’t loose nor win.. Hmmm I guess I’ll update again another day,..

2007-03-08T23:40:00.000+09:30

Forgive and forget… unfortunately, there are things in this world that we can never forgive nor forget. Neither can we just let go of the matter. But there are still the lucky ones which we are able to at least forgive, but will never forget… I can tell now, to everyone, that I’ve a fucked up life, a fucked up home, fucked up everything… sad enough, I dunno where is the word home in 76 jalan remaja. Although shai is there for me when I need him, it still kinna hard to relate to this place as a close to heart place.
Assignment today was alright, although I didn’t quite understand the fact why fana seemed kinna pissed off with me,.. Might be my harsh tone… did apologise to her… due to the fact that I stayed back to do the learning centre, I missed the queue number before 1pm and had to wait till 2pm to get the queue number… and the whole thing only ended at about 4... We headed towards sentosa, our plans and had an enjoyable time there.. It was so great and unforgettable… hope that I can go there again with shai… although I hurt my knee again today… And by the time all our stuff was completed, it was about 8pm… just got home at around 9pm.. All my planning for completing the search for the animals was totally shifted… just hope that all will be good and that I can find some of my stuff today…

deb

2007-02-16T20:13:00.000+09:30

Remember this when you can, deb, tell yourself that this is the real world, if you wanna be with the man you love overly, you need to therefore be the one to make a decision that people are thinking of telling you not to.. Well, its hard to find someone else like him though…. This world is selfished with all the good man becoming gay that there isn’t much left… if you’ve already found this one, stick to it man…
Valentines day was great, shai and I went to watch the show epic movie and also had seoul garden for lunch… it was cheap due to student price… and we sat there to eat for say 2 and a half hours…. Yes it was a great meal and yes it was great having it with him… but god damn it… why the day had to end so fast??? Pure shit I must say… hahaha okok a little naughty time… I love the song I Wanna F@c% You by akon… here are the lyrics.
Akon I wanna fuck you Lyrics

(featuring: Snoop Dogg) [Akon:]
Konvict...Music...and you know we Up front.
[Chorus: Akon] I see you windin n grindin up on that pole,
I know u see me lookin'
at you and you already know I wanna fuck you (fuck you),
you already know I wanna fuck you (fuck you),
you already know Girl...

[Snoop Dogg] Money in the air as mo feel grab you by your coat tail
take you to the motel, hoe sale, dont tell, wont tell,
baby say I dont talk dogg but she told on me, oh well,
take a picture wit me,
what the flick gon do,
baby stick to me & ima stick on u,
if u pick me then ima pick on you, d-o-double g and im here to put this dick on you,
I'm stuck on pussy and yours is right,
rip ridin and them poles and them doors is tight and ima get me a shot for the end of the night cuz pussy is pussy and baby ur pussy for life.

[Chorus: Akon] I see you windin n grindin up on that pole,
I know u see me lookin' at you and you already know
I wanna fuck you (fuck you),
you already know I wanna fuck you (fuck you),
you already know

[Akon] Shorty I can see u aint lonely handful of niggas n they all got G's,
see u lookin at me now whats it gonna be just another tease far as I can see,
tryin get u up out this club if it means spendin' a couple dubs,
throwin bout 30 stacks in the back make it rain like that cuz I'm far from a scrub,
u kno my pedigree,
ex-deala use to move phetamines,
girl I spend money like it dont mea n nothin and besides I got a thing for u.

[Chorus: Akon] I see you windin n grindin up on that pole,
I kno u see me lookin' at you and you already kno I wanna fuck you (fuck you),
you already know I wanna fuck you (fuck you),
you already know Girl...

[Snoop Dogg] Mobbin' through club in low pressin im sittin in the back in the smokers section (just smokin),
birds eye, I got a clear view,
you cant see me but I can see u (baby I see u),
its cool we jet the mood is set,
your pussy is wet u rubbin your back and touchin your neck,
ur body is movin' u humpin' n jumpin' ur titties is bouncin' u smilin' n grinnin' n lookin at me.

[Akon] Girl n while your looking at me im ready to hit the caddy right up on the patio move the patty to the caddy,
baby you got a phatty the type I like to marry wantin to just give u everythin n thats kinda scary,
cuz I'm lovin the way you shake your ass ,
bouncin', got me tippin' my glass,
Normally dont get caught up to fast but I got a thing for you.

[Chorus: Akon] I see you windin n grindin up on that pole,
I know you see me lookin' at you and you already know I wanna fuck you (fuck you), you already know I wanna fuck you (fuck you),
you already know

[Chorus: Akon] I see you windin n grindin up on that pole,
I know you see me lookin' at you and you already know I wanna fuck you (fuck you),
you already know I wanna fuck you (fuck you),
you already know Girl...

2007-02-08T12:50:00.000+09:30

I'M BACK HAHAHAHA!!!!!

2006-10-22T16:55:00.000+09:30

HEY SHAI SHAI HAPPY 16 MONTHS ANNIVERSARY/ 1 YEAR AND 4 MONTHS AANNIVERARY... HEEZ ONE MORE DAY AND HARI RAYA... HAHAHAHA

2006-10-10T16:01:00.000+09:30

Man, my life really sucks la. But when I'm out with shaiful, its seems better almost immediately. Hmmm, my father is becoming a beast. God, are you seeing his misdeeds?? Can you see all the evil he is doing? Are you even out there in the first place? Well I wouldn’t know. I just wanted a perfect family back. Like the one I used to have before where everyone was so happy. When will that day actually come??? Like almost never right???

I’ll be going to Phuket on the 30th November, as a gift from my brother and his girlfriend for being able to collect back the money fast from the friends going for the chalet. Oh no need to get jealous shaiful. We will get our chance next time, just the two of us, all we need is like say 500 dollars to live in luxury muahahaha. Promis ok, we will go there at least once before you go for NS k. Anyway, I’ll buy you a boxer shorts from Phuket, the thai boxer shorts la, the one that my brother wore before. Remember?? Well, hope that this trip will be fun, its like the furthest country I’m going to so far in my life, so I will definitely enjoy it. Hmmm heard that the water there is like damn clear. Dunno real or not la.. But will wish to be able to see the great waters of Phuket, and be at a area in my life that I’ve never been before. yeah. that will be like so fun. Hmmm but I’ll most probably miss my shai shai man. hmmm ok. will blog again some other time. heez

2006-10-09T18:16:00.000+09:30

"Everybody needs a little time away," I heard her say, "from each other."
"Even lovers need a holiday far away from each other."
Hold me now. It's hard for me to say I'm sorry. I just want you to stay.

After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you. I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go.

Couldn't stand to be kept away just for the day from your body.
Wouldn't wanna be swept away, far away from the one that I love.
Hold me now. It's hard for me to say I'm sorry. I just want you to know.
Hold me now. I really want to tell you I'm sorry. I could never let you go.

After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you. I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go.

After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you. I promise to.

You're gonna be the lucky one.

2006-09-28T00:24:00.001+09:30

A waitress walks up to a table where three Japanese men are seated. When she gets to the table, the waitress notices that the three men are furiously masturbating.

She asks, "What the hell are you three perverts doing?"

One man replies, "We all very hungry!"

She answers, "But why are you jerking off?"

Another man answers, "Because menu say 'First Come, First Served!'"

Ted and his wife were working in their garden one day when Ted looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!!"

The wife chooses to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, Ted is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

Max sat at the bar totally dejected. The bartender served him his second drink and said, "What's wrong pal?"

"I'll never understand women." Max said.

"The other night my wife threw me a birthday party. She told me that later on, as her gift to me, I could do with her whatever I wanted."

"Wow!" said the bartender. "But why so unhappy? That sounds like quite a gift to me."

"Well, " Max went on, "I thought about it and sent her home to her Mother.

Now she won't even speak to me!"

A woman went to the doctor and complained that she was suffering from knee pains.

"Do you indulge in any activity that puts a lot of pressure on your knees?" asked the doctor.

"Every night, my husband and I have sex on the floor doggy style."

"I see," said the doctor.

"You know, there are plenty of other sexual positions?"

"Not if you want to watch TV there ain't!"

2006-09-26T22:41:00.001+09:30

hmmmm. Back now. well lets just say that life has been as good as always since the last day i came here to blog. thursday is my birthday and i'm looking forwasr for shaiful to celebrate it with me after he break fast. well lets hope that every year with shaiful will be a better year each time it passes by. hmmm. when i held shaiful's hands in mine, i felt an angel holding me in return. it was like he was the correct one for me. like what tom said, when the correct one comes we won't want to let go the wrong one. hmmmm december chalet will be great as i'll get to away with him everymorning for three nights in a row.. hmmmm it will definately not be for the sex(oops cannot talk about sex during fasting month. haha) but more on having to see him day in and day out for that four days that will be great. hmmmm although i snore very loud, because of my sinus problem, that blocks my breathing passage, he never once complained about me for that. i'm proud that i have a boyfriend that cared. hmm well shai tell you what, so that you can sleep even better, i'll purchase ear plugs for you ok.. hmmm ok.. update another time. oh ya and my new class mate sucks, betty. godd, she's irritating

2006-09-26T22:41:00.000+09:30

2006-09-10T00:25:00.000+09:30

today was great... one of the greatest i've ever had in my entire life... i met shaiful at about 2.20pm, althought he was late and came at about 2.2o instead of the agreed 2pm, i made him smiled and give me a kiss for punishment... hmmm see when you fasting ah, you come late i do what to you... make you kiss me in public than you know... muahahaha... i'm so evil huh... well thats me... hehe
well shai made me so happy today cause i got to see him and he bought a little mp3... haha got video function somemore.. later he upload some porn hahaha than on my way to my house watching some wrong thing... hehehe.... (9 th sept)
Well he start work le... so that means that he has become busy now... heeeee we can meet like 3 times a week now cause we meet for lunch now.... its fufilling ok... anyway, little man is damn funny la.... its like that guy is like damn funny la... hahaha than so cute somemore. I wish thhat i can go and watch the show forbidden city la... but afraid that when shai's avaliable, we no money to go, or when i have money le right, no more showing... sucks one man... like tokyo drift... i wait until now have money, but then the show no more... hmmmm... well hope Hady wins singapore idols... and although i want hady to win, shai, you're still way more handsome than him... and i never lie... heez

2006-09-06T18:46:00.000+09:30

You were a brave man... Steve Irwin... you will be remembered as the man who has balls so big, to dare to fight a croc... heez... rest in peace...
(1962 - 2006)

2006-09-06T18:20:00.000+09:30

Hmmmm... today i'm gonna talk about the wonderful yesterday... sorry blondie, forgot to wish you happy birthday on tuesday... maybe because i was very happy that i was going out with shaiful that i forgot that it was your birthday... please accept my sincere apologies... heez... mad ah me... haha
well yesterday, shai shai and i was suppose to go to st. andrews church to pick saga seeds but it turned out that there were very few to pick and we left the place disappointed... we headed back to my place... being the all so naughty person, he chased me all around my house... haha nearly caused an earthquake... we sneaked around for a while before we settled down to proper business... i was selling some of my old chinese VCDS in yahoo auctions... haha...
Than we headed to wesr mall for dinner... it was one of the worst dinner i have ever had in my life... GOD... Its like so expensive, and somemore the lady at the shop was so in flexible... i wanted to eat just mutton and potato cutlet, but she was like please take another vegetable.. so i said oh its ok like this can le... she was like but still same price you know... if i had the right mind, i would have told her to just minus away the extra la... but i was aalready in a bad mood and didn't wanna think about it... kns... two plates of nasi padan cost $10.20... can you believe how mad i was!!!
well being with shai shai just erased away my bad mood... thanks shai... be back again ya... tomorrow going to CSC... remember ah... hehe

2006-09-05T00:37:00.000+09:30

Guest what??? Today we had an official date. It was like a long time since we had such a date and it really feels great to have this date with him today. The morning started out with a surprise with me not wanting to be left home alone with no one and we decided to try my luck with the best person to call… my prince charming – shai shai. Hee he agreed to it. And there we set out on out wonderful date today… hmmmm although I was feeling extremely tired as the previous night I didn’t have a good sleep cause my father snored very loudly, seeing him made my entire tired day melt into thin air like this… hee thank you shai shai… you're the greatest!!
we went to eat seoul garden… when its student is really cheap to eat at seoul garden… but ate too full that I vomited it all out after that… hmmm… well shai shai I was glad I vomited it out, at least I enjoyed the meal, but didn’t allow the food to dissolve into my system… other food can but not this time… cause I am loosing weight and I don’t want to miss out on the good food abut also dun wanna miss out on gaining so much weight… hee…. Tomorrow we will be picking seeds together for out little business… wish us luck ok… love love shai shai

2006-09-04T00:18:00.000+09:30

Today started out the best as I got to see my favourite person early in the morning when I awoke… Just looking at him early in the morning seem to create enough power juice for me to function perfectly the whole day… hmmmm if only I can get to see him the whole day… than life would be perfect…

Yesterday shai gave me a surprise by telling me that he was interested to go for the movie with me.. I was extremely happy that he was going to come… well sorry girls, abandoned you two because he I with me.. cannot help it ma, he was tired and I was getting broke… can’t watch the later show with you all anymore..

Shai spent the night at my house at about 3 am to the next day 12 pm. Hmmm although he was only here for a short time, but it’s the being with him that makes the entire camp over a perfect one… hmmmm well shai shai lets look forward for the next camp over… oh ya… lets go to CSC ya… to swim… its really great there!!! Hehehe kkk, I’ll come back tomorrow!!!

2006-08-30T17:57:00.000+09:30

Today started bad for me as i was like pissed of by the girl in the lift... such a bitch la she, stand there dunno how to move one, only know how to act pretty only... well shai shai gave me a surprise this morning telling me that he is coming to my school to pick me up... upon hearing that, i was like damn happy la, and went to put on some make-up so that i can look pretty when he comes.. hehe well he sure knows how to make my day… so when I was in class, I told myself that that girl sucks and that I do not wanna make a great day a horrible one.. hehehe

He gave me a shock when I went to the forth floor to find him cause he came from behind and scared me.. well I kinna liked it cause it was really fun…we went to subway for lunch and headed to my place for some fun. When here, it started to rain and we decided to bring in all the clothes as we didnt want it to get wet.. hehe he carried the clothes until so cute..

The living room was ideal for some great get together time as it was conducive and really cosy.. the weather caused the house to look dark and it created an atmosphere.. we kissed over the little bit of lights that came from my computer. It was sure nice of him to be with me at that moment..

Well time pass by very fast when we are enjoying ourselves.. he left my house at four and that’s when I realize that I miss him a lot already.. I hate having to say good bye to him everytime he is with me but I have no choice.. well shai shai, I’ll look forward to seeing you again.. hehehehe

2006-08-11T00:35:00.000+09:30

Today is Shaiful's birthday... I celebrated it with him, and even bought him a little cake called strawberry sweetheart. Hee, we put a little candle on it, and it looked just like a real birthday cake. It was shaped in a heart and was pink in colour. And I even got a candle for the cake, and made the whole thing look like its only for him, no one else can touch.. Heez.. He reminded me over and over today that today was the best day he ever had, I was extremely touched, yet I must contain. Felt the urge to go home and have him all to myself, and lay there quietly watching the television and fall asleep beside him. Sometimes this feeling really takes me over and I feel helpless but to take some sleeping pills or cough syrup. “Wow man, today I had the best birthday ever, like everything seem to be a miracle.. I hope every year would be like this.” That’s what he said before he left my house. My heart melted, touched with what he said… God, I love this man

2006-07-24T12:42:00.000+09:30

Yes! I have finally changed my blogskin and add in my tagboard again. heez. 17 days to shaiful's birthday and I’m like crazily awaiting for that day! I’m organizing a birthday party for him. thoughtful right??? Heez! well, by then we will be together for 1 year 2 months le. so fast right, it was like I just knew him only and suddenly we are together so long!! heez. anyway, I love this song

Life is full of lots of up and downs,

And the distance feels further when you're headed for the ground,

And there is nothing more painful than to let you're feelings take

you down,

It's so hard to know the way you feel inside,

When there's many thoughts and feelings that you hide,

But you might feel better if you let me walk with you

by your side,

And when you need a shoulder to cry on,

When you need a friend to rely on,

When the whole world is gone,

You won't be alone, cause I'll be there,

I'll be your shoulder to cry on,

I'll be there,

I'll be a friend to rely on,

When the whole world is gone,

you won't be alone, cause I'll be there.

All of the times when everything is wrong

And you're feeling like

There's no use going on

You can't give it up

I hope you work it out and carry on

Side by side,

With you till the end

I'll always be the one to firmly hold your hand

no matter what is said or done

our love will always continue on

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on

everyone needs a friend to rely on

When the whole world is gone

you won't be alone cause I'll be there

I'll be your shoulder to cry on

I'll be there

I'll be the one you rely on

when the whole world's gone

you won't be alone

cause I'll be there!

And when the whole world is gone

You'll always have my shoulder to cry on....

2006-07-21T15:54:00.000+09:30

I quarreled with my shai shai last night, it was something about me being fat… well, life doesn’t always come my way, when it seem to me that it does, it goes the other way around… I needed money and asked jm to lend me in times of need… he was unwilling… despite the friendship and the being there for a friend in sec 5, he seemed to be more ungrateful… well, its ok… I’m broke, I’m ad… but I hack le la… had a sudden interest in playing basketball recently, it was fun, sweat a lot, loose weight like that…heee… well, I just hope that my shai shai and I will still forever love, and not have any difference in our relation ship… I love you shai shai

2006-06-03T18:41:00.000+09:30

Hmmmmmm.... oops like forget that i had a blogspot account heezz... well, i had just spend a great hour at my home last night having a great time in my bedroom with my shai shai... oops... did i say bed room??? heez... well, a relationship like ours will definately become better and better as each day past by... heez... now, i've gained so much weight that he can't carry me anymore... boo hoo... feel like crying man... anyway, i love my shai shai

2006-02-05T03:08:00.000+09:30

Heyhey... man its been like ages since i came back here to update some of my special happenings... kekeke... shaishai and i had just celebrated our 7th month anniversary and the 8th month is coming... heez... well, glad i've found a solemate, a partner, and someone who i can share all my thoughts, problems and even tears with... wow!!! heez... so far we have accumilated about 38 movies that we've watched together... by the time we've watched 300, i'll be preparing to get married to him le... right!!!! heez... i just think that he is great lah.... shai, you said go by the books right.... but its not going to be so difficult right???? no matter what, we both must stay strong ok... we will not give up on each other ok.... thats my little pinkie promis...... school sucke even more now cause we are all used as a form of free labout and its like irritating la... it just sucks lah.... 90% of those that are working there actually now hates it lah... just that we have no choice but to work there so that we can pass our modue... and its like part of the school entire diploma lah... but man this school is damn clever lah... they get the service staff from the school, the pastry sraff from the school and even the kitchen staff from the school lah... this sucks lah... man i miss my class so much... wishing that i can faster go back to the classroom learning lorz... i mean i rather go to class in the morning at 9 and won't think that the timing is too early lorz... hehheh.... for the people that used to be my classmates... i miss all of you all lah.... its like so long since i last seen you guys lah... arthur, daphne, emiko, rash, susan, qianz, ester, lilian, 3c , kq , allllll lah... i just miss you all lah...

2005-10-26T23:17:00.000+09:30

Hmmmmm... Just realized that I'm very bored of my life... 18 years have gone by and yet I've not gotten the type of life I've been seeking for... Is god really there holding me telling me that the world is revolving because we are revolving too or is there a need to just let life be the way it has been all along??? I'm sick of having to get up early after a long day's hard work, when mmy feet are still sore from the previous day's hardwork... But too bad, I've made a decision into such a life and i might just have to stay with it till I'm old... When i was a kid, I've longed to grow up faster and see how its like to be an adult.. Now, i kinna wish i was a child again, innocent, and naive. Its like a "thing" we all face once in a while, hoping for a impossible miracle... I'm like the table's centre piece now.. And I'm tired of being the centre piece, that just decorates the table and nothing else... I prefer to be the salt and pepper if I had the choice, at least to the last and, I'm of a use... I just wish that life would have a change for the better, and that we can all live in a more peaceful way now... My changes have subsided when I realized that I have someone with me, no matter what happens.. But it seems as though these facts are there but have to go through long persuasion to have happen.. maybe i have to just await a peaceful happening... Show a path alright???
love
Deborah

2005-08-15T20:08:00.000+09:30

I was listening to the radio before my grammer lesson and heard the sone by bryan adams called "(everything i do) I do it for you" and i realise that the song is really like what we both are doing for each other.. So shaiful, if you happen to come to my blog again, this song is for you!!

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

2005-08-10T18:55:00.000+09:30

We used to laugh, we used to cry
We used to bow our heads then, wonder why
And now you're gone, I guess I'll carry on
And make the best of what you've left to me
Left to me, left to me

I need you like the flower needs the rain
You know I need you, guess I'll start it all again
You know I need you like the winter needs the spring
You know I need you, I need you

And every day, I'd laugh the hours away
Just knowing you were thinking of me
And then it came that I was put to blame
For every story told about me
About me, about me

I need you like the flower needs the rain
You know I need you, guess I'll start it all again
You know I need you, I need you
I need you like the winter needs the spring
You know I need you, guess I'll start it all again
You know I need you, I need you

I need you like the flower needs the rain
You know I need you, guess I'll start it all again
You know I need you, I need you
I need you like the winter needs the spring
You know I need you, guess I'll start it all again
You know I need you, I need you ...

2005-08-10T18:49:00.000+09:30

It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces, walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory, where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling, when i look into your eyes...
My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle...

If you could see, what i see, that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...
Standing here before you, feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love, every heartbeat speaks your name...

My dreams came true, right here in front of you
My miracle...

If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

Brought me here to be with you,
I'll be forever grateful (oh forever Faithful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...
Yes they brought me here...
If you could feel, the tenderness i feel...
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

2005-07-28T19:59:00.000+09:30

Baby, Don't You Break My Heart Slow

words by Vonda Shepard
music by Vonda Shepard James Newton Howard

I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky

I was believing in you
Am I mistaken do you say,
Do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever

But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

I like the way you'd hold me
Every night for so long baby
And I like the way you'd say my name
In the middle of the night
While you were sleeping

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken
Do you mean, mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever

Well I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

(Bridge)
You would run around and lead me on forever
While I wait at home thinking that we're together
I wanted our love to last forever

Well I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

2005-07-26T21:36:00.000+09:30

Somehow or rather, this song really seem to be what my life is in now, a complete mess.. if not for shaiful that has been in my life for the past few months, i might not have made it till now. Recently, i'm becoming a little paranoid and i know it.. He has been very patient with me and have not given up on me despite my mood swings and horrible words sometimes. I am very glad to have found a person in my life that i can lean on whenever i'm down or when i have to withstand the horrible drastic arguements that are happening at home. My sister and i both realised that our father has changes alot and its not for the better but for something or maybe someone that we are unsure of now.. Seriously i don't seem to know my father anymore.. Its the first time that his telephone bill shot up to a hundred dollars and its also the first time that he locks himself in the room just to have a conversation with someone that seems do darn secretive.. i do wish to find out all the things that are happening and also to cope with my studies.. I am breaking down inside and i know it.. Today i came home earlier because i felt fainting and i couldn't concentrate in class.. I know that i am already falling very ill and that its time for me to forget everything that is happening around me and get on with my studies. But its seems that these things that are happening around me are all causing me to be unable to concentrate with my own life and its even enought to destract me from my social life.. sunday was a jinx, cursed whatever you can call it day because shaiful and i had our first major arguement. But all matters was settled when one party gives in, this time, we both gave in. I still waited for him althought i was very hurt by his comments, and he apologised for having said those. But that wasn't what hurt me, it was the fact that he thought i was going to side Frank. Shaiful, if you ever read this, remember what i told you before? i will choose to be on your side, because i love you. If its getting me into deep trouble to be on your side, than so be it.. Even if its a matter of life and death... You will always be first place in my heart.

Simple plan's untitled
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded
By the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream

How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

2005-07-24T03:19:00.000+09:30

It seems to me that there is nothing in life for me to live for anymore.. Sometimes I ask myself why doesn’t shaiful just tell his parents that I’m his girlfriend.. its because he is embarrassed by me? That his girlfriend turns out to be a fat one? Maybe so ba, cause he seems to mind.. he still doesn’t know how to read inside a girl’s heart yet. So much so that he cannot sense that something is bothering his girlfriend.. that she is trying her best to keep happy even though circumstances are going likewise.. I feel my body becoming more and more weak as the days are passing, and sometimes I ask god, why do these things happen to me? Why can’t they just happen to other people that are more more…. I dunno… why me???? Why in the world must it be me????????? I’ve yet to feel that shaiful really loves me for me and not for the fact that I’m just going to be one of the girlfriends in his life.. even so, he doesn’t seem to want people to know that I’m his girlfriend.. maybe time will tell la.. seriously.. maybe time will tell… show me a path god, let me live life the way it is again… god, I need it…. I need miracles in my life now… I don’t want to fall back into depression…

2005-07-03T14:54:00.000+09:30

1'st of july.
Its the day that i'm going to meet him again after a long 7 days of not seeing him and its starting to get me all excited and anxious. i was indeed looking forward to meet him.
we went to watch the movie war of the worlds. it was scary man but i had a great pillow to lie on. the pillow gave me a little more warmth and comfort as compared to other pillows. this pillow had hands that also wrapped around my waist that removed a little tension in me. thank you baboon. after the movie, we went to esplanade for his 360 degree photo shot and then to view the beautiful sight of the sunset which left a nice orange shade in the sky. where we stood, the view of the river and the bridge was indeed a awesome view. it kept me in plenty of thoughts. we held onto each other and just kept quiet. unfortunately the moment was ruined by me because i started talking to him and the air that came out of my mouth caused him to be sensitive on his neck. As by how he said, its not that he is sensitive, it the way i approached it. maybe it turns him on, as by this discription, its clear that i was leaning onto him facing him, holding him in my embrace and him holding my waist. honestly that moment was great, i simply loved it. as we made our way back to the mrt station, we held hands as usual and talked. i didn't want the night to come so early but i knew that the great things will never be forever. at the mrt station, i decided to send him onto the mrt first and then to mine, the main reason is because i dun like to see people telling me goodbye, especially when its someone i admire and before we said goodbye, i made a move and gave him a kiss on the cheeks. man i wished that i gave him a kiss in the lips instead. that moment, i felt a great rush of blood into my system and i told myself, i've fallen for the man. That night, i became rather distracted, somehow, i was worried that he would gget affected by my kiss. i told him don't be, cause he will make me inferior. somehow, i dun wanna know if he's just playing along with me and make me feel like he cared about me too but i just thought if he made the effort to, by all means. he cares for the feelings of people so i'm pretty sure he is not the type that will want to hurt others by playing with their feelings. i'm starting school on monday and i hope i'll like it. but i dun wish to drift apart from him. so i'll just let it be how its going to be now.

2005-06-28T22:20:00.000+09:30

Hey there, I just found some time to come online for an update to my blog. Recently, I have found out that the friends I used to have, who told me that we’ll be friends forever, have changed. Maybe what shaiful said was correct all along, people changes, everyone will change in the matter of time. I see that life has become more like a clique than a regardless of range friendship. If I clique with you, you are my friend, if I cannot, than too bad, get off my shoulders. Shaiful taught me a lot of things that are really meaningful. I now agree with what he says. My mother recently become a little irritating but in the bible, we have to love our mother three times first, as what shaiful told me before. My father and I have become closer over the days as we are seeing each other ever so seldom. When he goes to work, I’m asleep, when I return from work, he’s asleep. We hardly have time for each other at all. Once during a thunder storm, I asked god for a sign, a sign to whether the world has changed or whether I’ve changed, in an instant, the thunder roared and it was a really loud one. I suppose that’s the sign god wants to show me. I love the people around me, but I cannot always be the one to give in after something goes wrong. Emiko, I am wondering now, is it because of the life I’m leading now, or the lack of time to meet up for a good talk that has caused a drastic change in our friendship? Let me know.

2005-06-22T23:05:00.000+09:30

I am starting school soon and am not very looking forward to going there. Maybe its because I am so happy with what I am doing now that I do not wish to come out of it ba. Currently my friendship with baboon has developed further and we talk on the phone every night, be it just half an hour or for two, three hours. I must admit that I enjoy his company and talking to him. He gives me a sense of security and often makes me feel happy whenever I am down. I told him once that I like to just sit alone and just stare up at the stars. Although in Singapore, its hard to find beautiful stars in the sky. Actually stars are all the same, it’s just where we can get to see them clearer and brighter.
Baboon is the only one I can share my life with now, he listens to my problems and is always patient with me, although people in marche say that he is a flirt and is not easy to get along with, I find him unlike what people say, he is one of the best person I’ve ever known. Baboon has helped me forget Steven and have left a great impact in my life. Today is the last day I will be seeing him in person before he breaks off for full time studying. We held hands while we were in the cinema and than when we walked from ps to wisma, I thought he would refuse holding my hand, but we crossed fingers and walked like a couple. I suppose I am beginning to fall for the guy, maybe I have, maybe we have, but we are just not feeling it yet. I just wanna let fate do the rest of its job in what we have.

2005-05-21T18:53:00.000+09:30

Its been like five days since I last saw shaiful and I am really like missing the guy a lot.. on 15 may, it was shaiful last day as he breaks off for the preparation for his school and I am currently upon the survival scale right about now.. on Monday, I met shaiful outside marche and we went for a walk.. we were holding each other and walking literally like a couple.. and then we decided to go back to marche’s hotel califionia and rest before the party begins.. there he was telling me stories about how he got the wounds on his hands and how he changed from a really bad kid to a matured person.. I didn’t realized that as he was telling me all the stories I was actually lying on his shoulder listening to him ever so attentively.. and he wasn’t minding my heavy weight on his shoulder at all.. I was actually enjoying the moment that we were sharing together and I was feeling really fortunate at that moment.. I wished it never had to end.. when the party eventually ended, Claire actually neglected shaiful and I ended up walking with him to take company transport.. we tool our last picture before we had our goodbyes and I have it as my screen saver and wall paper on my phone… god, why must he be a malay… will we ever have a relationship that will work out? Will he ever because of me and I because of him just love each other for love and not to have religion come into our lives??? I think I have already been in a wrong path and now I hope the path is meant for it…

2005-04-16T14:06:00.000+09:30

today is my 12th day in marche.. i got to know this guy really well, he is called kenichi wrights.. unfrotunately he is deaf and dumb, but it doesn't matter, cause he is a really nice person.. i had a long conversation with him in the canteen and talked about the path taken by each individuals.. he's done with graphic designing in the US and is now in singapore for only two months for an attachment.. funny though its only two months.. honestly its hard to find somone who is open about their deaf condition.. he tries to pronouce the words despite the tough effords.. handsome i must say, he is indeed a really nice looking person and is really funloving and cheerful in personality and never fails to make an efford to make us laugh.. on our way back, he was joking about the van's ride, saying that it was like taking a plane on 911.. haha but communicating with him has its difficulties cause he cannot hear at all.. its like we have to either type sms or write on paper.. cause never been to sign language school before so we dunno ba.. correct.. he is educated well, as in some people are like easily give up when they are disabled.. but he moves on.. correct.. hmmm its really really very sad that he is on attachment only..
well we talked about the other stuffs like when coming back, five years time.. haha and than joked about the chiller room, the fridge and all.. it was reaally fun.. darly is very irritating.. break only 15 minutes.. but toilte too full so must wait.. than when i come back like in 20 minutes only he make a big fuss like dunno what like that..
than there is this other guy, he is called zeka.. really like xianen.. and loves to disturb me alot.. he comes and desiao me, call me wonder woman and all.. haha.. but his english is a little difficult to understand.. and its like he cannot pronouce the words properly and he talks like a machine gun... haha... ok update more about my job next free time..

2005-04-12T13:56:00.000+09:30

Hmmm.. today is my off day.. i have been working in marche for like seven days and counting.. earning like $6 an hour.. its damn tiring but i have made so many new friends.. i was talking to naren and realised that he is a person on probation.. Surprisingly he haven't been his old self for a long time.. good though.. i asked naren about alex and found out that he is a father.. damn if only he wasn't married.. he is an ang moh mix with a lot so yup my guess was correct.. he is just so handsome and wtf if i was prettier and slimmer and sexier than good le.. shit la... why cannot next year than give birth.. haha
yesterday when i went to work, i reached earlier so i decided to have a break in the canteen first before changing out to work.. than i saw him walking out of the "moo" room.. seems as if alex isn't working on le.. but hope he is la.. cause its like as inspiration to go to work hoping to become buddy with him.. haha since start of work until now, i buddy with him three times le.. its ok la but his english is a little different.. he pronounce my name as deblar.. haha and he is like to many people, 'gay' cause he is damn fair and his skin is very smooth.. funny right.. so fair and smooth should be for a female.. haha... suriana has become much nicer, last night, i buddy with her and we had to check the gents cause our site got no male.. haha.. she never knock before opening the door and caught a man in action.. hahahaha.. her reaction super funny man..
now i got to know hisyam better and realised that he smokes.. damn.. its like ren bu ke mao xiang.. haha naren's girlfriend not bad looking.. but he say that he is never serious with his girlfriends.. he had over hundreds of girlfriends.. can tell la he is not bad looking... nicely built and is very caring and thoughtful.. so i believe la.. haha.. and the kitchen aunty and i have alot of gossips.. haha she always talk to zeka in chinese.. and zeka will like gossip gossip gossip.. zeka is a Vietnamese and his english is damn cute.. haha if dun listen carefully will get confused by what he saying.. he reminds me of xian en cause both small size one, cute cute one.. haha and both like to desiao me.. haha.. nice to work with him la.. cause majority of the people there are malays so get one who can speak chinese also good la.. haha..
hmmmm i think next off day than will update more about my jobs ba.. haha

2005-04-07T14:48:00.000+09:30

I've worked in marche for about three days.. it was alright and i have to say that the people there are all damn nice.. but only to the old aunties that are always washing in the kitchen and the malay guys there are nice.. really.. i got to know izza, maria, naren, mr. smily face, kat, sera, sophia, maryann, alex, daryl, and one more who looks a whole lot like joel but is a malay la.. weird.. some of the malays there looks alot like chinese. so far i get along well with "joel" look alike, mr.smily face, nareen, sera, maria and izza.. the rest are a little on the cold side, like written on their face "i'm a senior so dun mess with me".. damn
alex is really nice looking, somewhat a thai, malaysian and europian mix.. but actually he malay.. look like a thai angmoh.. haha abit the cold la.. but maria say that have to work alittle longer than they will start to talk to us one..
i like it at marche, its damn tiring but i think i'll get used to it.. at least its better than pho 31, there got things to do, pho31 is just pure boring.. pay like shit and i never got called back.. total waste of my time man..

2005-03-31T18:59:00.000+09:30

No me abandonas así
hablando sola de ti
Ven y devuélveme al fin
la sonrisa que se fue

Una vez mas
tocar tu piel
e hondo suspirar
Recuperemos lo que se ha perdido

Regresa a mi
Quiéreme otra vez
Borra el dolor
que al irte me dio
cuando te separaste de mi
Dime que si
Ya no quiero llorar
Regresa a mi

Extraño el amor que se fe
Extraño la dicha también
Quiero que vengas a mi
y me vuelvas a querer

No puedo mas
si tu no estas
Tienes que llegar
Mi vida se apaga
Sin ti a mi lado
Regresa a mi

Quiéreme otra vez
Borra el dolor
que al irte me dio
cuando te separaste de mi
Dime que si
Ya no quiero llorar
Regresa a mi

No Me abandonas así
hablando sola de ti
Devuélveme la pasión de tus brazos

Regresa a mi
Quiéreme otra vez
Borra el dolor
que al irte me dio
cuando te separaste de mi
Dime que si
Ya no quiero llorar

Borra el dolor que al irte me dio
cuando te separaste
de mi Dime que si
Regresa a mi

This is the il divo's version of unbreak my heart.. nice huh

2005-03-31T18:41:00.000+09:30

i suddently realized that in life, ups are more than downs.. but when the downs comes, it can be terribly bad.. true enough, i have not see god, yes, no one will ever, but i believe that god will take his child up with him one day..
someone once told me that one do not have to eat french fries everyday to make you one with french fries, likewise, one do not have to always go to church to become a believer in christ.. true enough, if a person is by day a hypocrite and by night a believer and saint, that is going to be something not very nice to do.. i have slowed down in my goings to church, lazy one might say, busy the other, but hey, i know that i am not being a devil inside me.. whatever it is, god sees our actions..
i just lost a great friend and i am currently lost still although its been like weeks.. its still like yeaterday to me.. boulevard of empty dreams is nice, somehow it seems that it sounds like my life.. and how alone i feel, just like in sec 1 when i got seperated from my great friend.. its like a life that no one wants to live with..
screwed up in life's future, i now stand as a failure.. walk in his path, i see an opening.. i held on to thy father's hands and am trying to stay strong.. show me the way out of the prison father, show me.. i might talk to god at night telling him to show me a way to get out of my horrid life.. but he still ain't showing me no signs.. still, i believe, maybe my sign had already been shown but because of my own pride, i am slowing myself down..
damn.....

2005-02-24T14:04:00.000+09:30

hurt.. do people actually know what that is?? maybe ba.. i know.. i wish i can really spread my wings and learn how to fly, get independent and restart life once more.. feelings can be toyed with when one really let herself into the emotions.. sometimes, i wish that i can say that i hate men, just when i thought i found one, they turn out the other way... damn

2004-09-08T22:02:00.000+09:30

Life is like a dream, it might not just look upon what we think it is. Yet on the other hand, it turned out to be the way we wanted it to be. I realised that when i was feeling happy, i'll be living in a dream that is likely to never come through. But i always told myself that i should bever give up on anything, no matter what the outcome might become. Two years ago, i told myself that one day i will become a chair-person of the class, although now i was only a deputy, i became one, because i told myself that i want to be just like him, a class something. It was not an easy job to take this role, it seems like everyone thought that it was easy but no, it wasn't. It might only take afew to agree with this statement.
After so many years, i've not forgotten this one person in my life, i was still in the thoughts of hope that if i was just strong enough, i will one day have my dream come thought. Will i? i really wouldn't know all of these. Have he forgotten me, this one gitl that still like this man whom she thought was the one and only in her life, althought never a love affair started. Well, i did, i tried to have a relationship enter my life but it did not work out, i could not love that person at all. It was really very unfair to him that i have him as a man in my life, yet thinking of another in my heart. Has he forgotten me? Really, i wanted the answer to come to me. Is he happy now in the life he is having, are the things in his life going smoothly? I wanted to know all, it might just enlighten all the load that is sagging onto my heart and mind. Is he ever going to return to the world that i can at least be near to him?
I had a dream once that he came back. Then i received a invitation card by him to attend his wedding. Utterly shocked as i was but i could not say no. The dream was broken when i awoke to find out that tears were already rolling down my cheeks. Am i feeling all these? I wanted to know all... Do you still remember me? Have you forgotten me?

2004-08-22T22:55:00.000+09:30

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been here before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
there's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had... baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
there's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby
And don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
there's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight

2004-08-20T21:55:00.000+09:30

Friendship is like a forever thing when two people can trust each other... today, i found out about myself as an individual being... I realized that other than yourself, everyone else doubts you... If this world is full of doubts, than there might just be no meaning to real survival anymore... Sensitivity... people nowadays are getting too sensitive about a particular thing.. It sometimes irritates to find out that the friend you thought you were rather loyal to feels that you are making use of her.. but in actual fact, no...i do not confirm that i have not made use of her but its just that i've never actually realize it yet...the word making use is a very strong word and it must not come out... not until its the correct time...
I do wonder... if you said that i do not treasure you as a friend, then what are all the tiring preperations i had just for your birthday? are those just for fun? do they think its easy planning a class gathering so as to have everyone celebrating your birthday??? no... it took alot of hardwork.. i thought these could repay all the deeds you have done for me.. but it doesn't seem that way...i really dunno what to do anymore.....
... I really have not found a real road to which people say that i'm walking on it wrongly... have i done worng in saying things which i hope do not hurt others? but if one is so perfect, then they wouldn't be in this world anymore... i have never discriminate any other skin coloured friends i have... but yet people would say that i deliberately spoke in chinese, so as that they wouldn't be able to understand...

2004-08-13T20:06:00.000+09:30

Holding you here in my armsYour heart is beating fastAnd you want me to tell youJust how long our love will lastlook in my eyes, hear what II'll be the one who won't walk away
I cross my heartPledge to you, all my loveTo have and to holdFrom this moment onJust as long as the stars shine aboveI will be true, I promise youI cross my heart
If I had just one wishI'd make your dreams come true'cause I have everything I needWhen I'm loving you
Put your hand in my handI want you to knowI'll stand by your side and never let go
I cross my heartPledge to you, all my loveTo have and to holdFrom this moment onJust as long as the stars shine aboveI will be true, I promise youI cross my heart
I cross my heartPledge to you, all my loveTo have and to holdFrom this moment onJust as long as the stars shine throughI will be true, I promise youI cross my heartI will be true, I promise youI cross my heart

2004-08-01T23:17:00.000+09:30

Could all these thoughts that are running in my mind be all that i've found for myself to stress over? maybe.. well althought i am not the person that his heart is thinking of, then i shall not contradict myself anymore.. i love him.. i really do.. but how can a person love one who is so far away?? Deciving.. these are all very deciving.. could one really love a person until forgetting is difficult?? maybe... i found one such person... and thats me, myself... it is not fun having these thoughts running throught one's mind but its the only thought that is avaliable.. i've read many story books that have bitter sweet endings.. but never one hurting yet... its easy to tear while reading a book that seemed to alike to what my own life is going through... what is this world getting into that i cannot see the true meaning of love anymore.. it doesn't seem t to be true anymore...
lying on my bed, i suddenly recalled how he looked.. haha nerdy... truely though but i liked it that way... don't want any changes in him... looked perfect the was he is... he has a girlfriend... wow how wonderful.. but nevermind... i'll always stand a chance until the day he gets married... then i will tell myself that its over and get a moveon... life must still go on even if he's gone...

2004-07-30T21:51:00.000+09:30

All of a sudden, I realized that I had a form of hatred for the man whom I thought I treasured the most.. I wondered why... I've often thought to myself why I love one so much yet deceiving myself of my real feelings... I knew well that I've not forgotten Steven and I knew well that I've still loved him.. But what are all these I'm doing to myself? Am I believing my heart or am I doing what my mind told me to?.. Its hard to forget the past and try to remember the moments.. Have I really created hate upon that man or have I only overcome my own thinking?
My conversation with emiko had suddenly focused upon a man whom I believed I might never get to see anymore.. Yet, his presence is what I longed for.. I missed that tall built and freaky looking eye glasses that he used to slip upon that tender looking nose-bridge... If I could see him once again, I might never want to forget that particular look in him ever...I hoped that by fate, there would be a chance one day that I might meet him once again.. Selfishly, without anyone else in his life so as to hope for a chance to be near him... Is love really so tender, is it so hard to forget when we encounter it, till now I haven't found the answer yet.. But I really want to know how much love can overcome and what it was like to have someone love you like your very own father loving his daughter that he would anything at all to ensure the happiness, safety, thoughts and hintings... That he could sense what our minds are going through when we are in a mix of thoughts.. I just hope for you to know, that I've love you once.. And have still loved you so... I might never forget you... Wherever you are, thank you for being my friend... Steven.....

2004-07-14T22:03:00.000+09:30

hahaha... the class gathering was rather screwed but it was damn fun man... we went to prank all those people man... actually its like first time get to see a class come together... but its not the first time the class work together.. ha... maybe its because all those people who were very negetive before were outta this class but this damn good class still have two people that are so damn outcasting... idiots man... cannot say them one cause they very easily angry... haha... bleah... dun wanna talk about them la

2004-07-09T21:18:00.000+09:30

haha... sian man... thought of having a perfect one in a life time class plus teachers gethering but nope... thats not going to happen... hehe... nevermind.. now that csp not going eze also won't go... den like this damn sian man.. totally boring.. haha.. nevermind, whether it will suceed or not depends on tomorrow!!! all the best to it man..

2004-06-14T14:40:00.000+09:30

wow man wow.. i really mean wow... our class dinner was indeed extremely fun and it really did bring alot of joy.. although some people did feel exceptional... i did have fun though and do look forward for the next time we can have the class outings again... but erm the whole day was like wasted in the arcade...well maybe its time to live life to the fullest

2004-05-18T17:54:00.000+09:30

hmmmm sian man.. now that chanho has actually become so much better than last time, i think that it is possible for us to communicate whan there is a need.. ha has become so much more matured and encouraging.. well i think that the class have to sometimes pay attention to some of the few people who felt neglacted before.. hmmmm.. now my goal is to pass chinese and not to see it again....

2004-05-11T18:52:00.000+09:30

i was walking alone on friday night thinking of many things that have to be done and to clear... i might have created my one and only wish and that is maybe to just be with the class where everyone just loves the company of eachother and that there will not be any form of backstabbings at all.. maybe there are reasons that link the quarrels and arguements behind but whats all these when there is no trust..
i begen to find myself one day in the mids of changing people.. it somehow seemed that daphne don't talk to me anymore or she is just changing to a different character.. suspecions may be there but what are these suspecions when people just cannot trust eachother anymore.. sometimes i ask myself.. is emiko the only one who i can trust now or is there others who i can still put in a level of trust onto.. i might have developed feelings for someone but i must not show my feelings.. if i can maintain a friendship by keeping these feelings in then i might just do that.. if its all i can do i will... i realise that i have fallen in love to music that have only plain piano and words as they can really hit the heart when it comes to self reflection... i dun understand why but i realised that i have developed a character whereby even though people have offended me today, tomorrow they will still be my friend.. i don't want to look down on others for what they have done or said but to just forgive and forget.. if by doing so i can have more friends than i shall do so... i remember once ps did something to me.. although it was like another friend who have told me what happened, i was only angry at that moment and tried my best to forget what has happened.. maybe i should always do that.. than people who want to hurt me would then realise that its useless to offend me as even how bad it was it would be forgotten tomorrow.. and that i would still help them if they needed help.. !!!

2004-04-18T20:16:00.000+09:30

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

2004-04-18T20:08:00.000+09:30

my grandmother passed away on the 17 april.. it was indeed an extremely heartbreaking scene seeing her in such a state.. it was rather difficult to smil in such a day.. but well life must still go on nomatter wat happens.. everyone has to go someday and it might true for us to take the message that she wants us to be happy and not be sad for her.. well i love my grandmother forever.. she was indeed a very strong woman and has taught me alot of useful things..

2004-04-15T23:10:00.000+09:30

when i visited my grandmother each day at the hospital, i have a vision of a very frail looking person.. emotions would overwhelm me then as i recall the thoughts of how it feels to have her nag at me each day to study.. to loose weight... she was always very into the encouragement is good as she believed in encouraging those that do not necessary do well yet have tried their best.. she has been becoming more and more weak each day and it really hurts to see her like this.. i have tired covering up all these emotions with crazy thinkings of some childish thoughts but the emotion would always find it's way back.. but all i could say is when the time is right, the one whom you love might just have to go and there is nothing we can do to stop it.. holding on to it might cause things to become worse..
well as for school, out street feestival is going on well,just that maybe there are abit of problems with some people... i did try to do my part le.. well i have done whats right and i might hope for the best

2004-04-12T10:27:00.000+09:30

hmmmmm... its been long since i came to my blogger... hahahaha... school indeed sucks as i had to drag myself up sooooooo early in the morning just to come for some boring lessons that are damn irritating... mama chan is getting on my nerves man... some stupid test only wanna copy so many times.... well, life kinna sucks when one is gonna loose a person who is so important in my life, esp when the person is your own family member.. times are really hard now... i know that is a matter of time my address would change, need not say... well i only know that she was going to somewhere peace full place.. indeed my faith for god has become stronger and i know that 'he' will always be there for me...
for all thats has yet to happen and to those who has been wrong to me, i wouldn't care about them anymore... why should i waste my time on such people... i have my friends and family and i am happy enough

2004-03-19T00:32:00.000+09:30

There was a song I heard in this old album I found while clearing my cupboard today, the song somehow reminds me my feelings that I have for someone. The question often lingers in my mind. “Why do I love him so much? Is there a reason to why I have put in so much effort into loving a man whom might never find out one day that I actually loved him? When will I cease my feelings for him? When will there be a day when I can accept a relationship into my life.” Well the answer has got to be out there somehow, there will be a day where the change will happen and there, the answer is out. Today, I never thought it would feel so good just to have a one-sentence conversation with him. It was like paradise. The feelings stayed in me like it was taking me out of control.
As I listened to the song and got deeper into it, I realized that the lyrics were actually very meaningful as they actually described the feelings of one for another. I believed that the song actually showed some form of one-sided love which many people around actually feels. This one-sided love might hurt in many different ways. Who wouldn’t want the man they loved to also love them in return?
Jianmin has finally grew up and has became much more sensible now. He to me is much more nice to talk to whenever he is sick as then it seemed as if he was matured enough to handle the truth. It seemed that after he came back from the china trip, he became more quiet, although I haven’t see him shoot out the other side of him that really irritates, he it really shows a drastic change in the behavior. And the childish attitude that he used to portray has ceased.
I didn’t know it would be such fun to actually see the class once again, although I sometimes feel irritated to be helping this and helping that, doing this and that, I somehow enjoyed it sometimes. Its like joy having to see the class once again and it can bring back the old memories that I used to have. Chan ho used to have this problem about sitting beside me or near me, that’s what I think la. But it seemed that everyone had grew up after the time when we were seperated into this particular class. Everyone seemed to have changed in one way or another. There was a drastic change in the people that I used to know. Although some have still stayed the same, there are few that have changed for the better while some have changed for the worst. My friendship with emiko has still maintained its boundaries while my friendship with some others have become worse. Daphne and I will still remain as normal trusted friends as I have nothing against her or her friends or anything about the things she does or have. But I won’t show the person that I hate him or her, I still will treat him or her like my good friend, as it is useless to uphold this character of hating one another. It is better to have more friends then enemies.
For all, we have to still retain our faith and believe in the Lord as he was there for us when we need him, he was the one and only friend who never betrays you and always gives a helping hand whenever we need him. I have started becoming much more enthusiastic in gb, it used to be a drag to attend it but now, it was more like a pleasure attending the session. It somehow reminds me of a great life ahead if myself.

2004-03-18T00:04:00.000+09:30

Ha... oh wat a wonderful day.. never thought it would bring such joy just to pick up his phone call.. ha.. well the day was like perfect...we had like three hours of pool and then a movie that was called o brother which soooo funny yet so touching when it came to the ending part.. well the show could have touched anyone not only me.. ha.. i teared when it came to the part where the younger brother and the older brother was started up a conversation about their father.. it was rather sad when the older brother found out.. well perfect stories would always have perfect endings.. ha... a friend once told me that if we loved someone yet not letting him know is a mistake... well i would neve know when a mistake comes into life.. there are many things that needs to be done... sometimes we make mistakes too many a times that we did not notice them.. maybe we have to first be brought down by the mistake before we can get to learn that we have to treasure the things we do in life.. sometimes these treasures will disappear when we do not notice them.. we have to put into practice that these things do not come easy..
for the next life, i might just follw its ways... who knows...

2004-03-14T13:41:00.000+09:30

As I stared at the picture I has in my fingers that was already aging with dog-ears on the corners and torn sides, I slowly concentrated on the eyes of the person. He had the most charming expressions that could attract anyone be it myself. I wondered when I could ever feel the press of my lips against his tender yet seducing lips. That lip seems to be calling me to them but I am not the one to be happily kissing them. Yet to just see them from afar brings a stinging sensation, which seemed as if I was dragged along the spell of the man whom I loved.
Then I looked into his eyes hoping to see a reflection of myself, joyful yet overly satisfied with the image I had, the image slowly fade itself away as I could no longer see that sparkle in his ever so charming eyes anymore. The dreams of having him embraced into my arms tightly and ever so lovingly, had showed me the dreams I used to have which were something like wondering into a space with nothing but a whole land of millions of flowers blooming with different fragrant. As I looked on to find where the real feeling lingered itself from, it slowly glides itself up my body stroking ad touching every detail it could find and entered me. The outlooks and character of the person then attracted me and I knew then that I had loved the person once before and it seemed as if in some form of present life that shoved itself into a land that was once before there. I was indeed in a zone where nothing could change the feelings I had for him, not then not at that moment.
The joy of having dreams about the one whom I loved was taking me over as days goes by having me wondering about the cycle of movements embracing the thoughts of every individual’s mind which have seemed to be spinning round and round slowly. Still from afar I could make out the lint yet blur image of the man whom I love ever so deeply. Should there be a form of guidance where a person can follow so as to bring her forward towards the dream she just had, hoping to fulfill it. With the secrets ever so lovingly yet quietly behind the trusted ones of whom friends were for, seep into the world of ever so loving feelings for one another.
The time flies as we gather our past memories together remembering the times spent together as a group. Yet the remembrance of you having your own life showed a way that could lead to nowhere. Nothing could be done to prove that the love I had for you was strong yet not known, the secret could just not be out as the result might not be as expected. All I could do was to ever so tearfully watch the man I love walk his own path to a happy new life, where he could then be with the one he loved. But to people like myself, we do know the feeling that lingers within ourselves. We know the time for the right person in our lives would come and appear one day, even if it has to come on the day of our death. In my life for the past sixteen years, only four men had told me that outlooks didn’t matter; it was what on the inside that mattered.
I never thought a stranger, purely someone whom I only knew for a short two days would have such great respect for another person. I never thought that there would be such chemistry between two people. It could somehow seem like it was some form of love at first sight. Although I do not communicate much with this person, I could see the kindness of the person in his eyes. He has a face of an angel that glowed into my eyes like a light from the heaven’s gate. From my first look at him I was utterly surprised to find that a person with such an overwhelmingly handsome face would not at all mind making friends with someone whom was obviously not exceptional to be standing beside him.
Yet once again, I see the same pair of lips that were once what I called seducing and had the dragging sensation, which could make anyone, want to go near and just create a moment of French. And no I have not felt anything in a single lip pact before as to what my friends told me, you have to feel the kiss you are having with the person and at the same time feel the steam linger through your body, not just kiss for the sake of kissing. I have only kissed one guy in my life that I had the ‘feel’ for. The next might come but, when is the question. I wish to press my lips upon someone who feels the same for me and not with one who I have the one sided love for. I can only wonder when the man would appear in my life. Will I still be around when he appears or will I never meet him?
These men, whom I thought to be unbelievably happening to have a start of relationship with, slowly touched my sixteen years of life. But with only one sentence without the love itself, I cannot feel the love and only see it. I told myself many times before that the world might not be as unfair as everyone thought it was, there were still time in which fairness does appear. The first love I had slowly faded away as we both matured into the oncoming new world and society filled with different form of stress. The love we shared between us was ever so strong that moment that was giving everyone else the honor, the time we spent with each other was never ending, we were even together at everyday of our life. Yet the truth will come out one day as the relationship slowly find itself fading. There was never a break up, never the hurtful moment where both parties would break down into a state of depression, yet the hurtful moment for then was already showing the way back to where we started off, as friends. Where is the feeling for which we said we would have for each other could last forever?
There the story ends with no one that could be blamed but the un-hurtful wanting of both sides. We both could only stand there with our feet rooted to the ground, as no one knew the reasons to why the feelings for each other then slowly lingered into another world in another time frame. The relationship after which never succeeded as the love I had for them were not as much as I had for another. I could not give out the feelings for another then and I could not take things seriously. I knew that there was only one way left and that was to have the slow moving hurtful relationship go and let both parties have their rest at last.

2004-03-13T00:47:00.000+09:30

As we move further and further into the future the changes that happens in life often reminds us that we have to hold on to whatever is there for us. the feeling of rejection is building up high as it forces itself upon the open wound that lays wide open before the eyes. Could i just forget him? i asked myself, yet the answer to every question i've asked was a no. Times passes by fast when we are in need of the precious membories, membories that are rather hard to just let go off. If flowers bloom like the roses every morning, then will the love between couples as well? Sometimes life is just the way it seems to be, no one understands why one would fall for the other! The reasons might appear to others as the main key to life. Though many times i do self reflect, deborah, have you done something wrong today, have u created an enemy? reasons do appear as these questions fill out my mind. Having taken the leadership role, i sometimes choose not to do my part. i feel that it was redundent to even try as there, it would come back to one again!! people go bitching behind backs and when they were infront of u they treat you as their one and only best friend.. These problems brings new sufferings around each day as time might just show the insignificant attitude of each individuals.. time...

2004-03-12T00:29:00.000+09:30

hmmm today is a extremely boring day.. i thought i would have a chance to see him yet no.. if i can see him today, it would hev been the best day of my life. We went to play pool yesterday.. it was fun yup but if he was there it would be even more.. things and dreams have yet to come true.. saw this really fat ger with this really cute looking guy.. if love is really blind between them then wow that this world can really be ongoing.. if only love is blind between everyone else and the world just have everyone so loving together.. then there would be no more worries..

2004-03-11T21:55:00.000+09:30

Today i think must be the forth day that the group has left for china.. well time passed by rather slowly when someone thinks of the person in heart.. i think that maybe there are somethings that have yet to come true in life.. still i have yet to see a man that is there for me.. maybe as the time comes the truth will surface.. so wat one can do is to just wait patiently.. the day will come.. but i will still love him like how i've love him.. thats my promis.. if only i can tell him... i love you

2004-03-10T21:30:00.000+09:30

hmmm today is the tird day i have not seen him le but nevermind.. well there are different things that are happening if life.. each day takes it's time to pass by.. there are hopes each day of a better life in return..
i told myself before that if i look for something in a man it would be the outmost little.. to me the only thing i need is not money, not material stuffs.. the main thing that should be looked out for is the way he treats me, if one another cannot get along than there should not be a relationship in the firat place.. i only need him to be there for me when i need him and to care for me for what i am and not what he wants me to be.. i need him to be faithful in the relationship.. if love is blind even if he was a deformed person, there would still be love.. one cannot ask much when it comes to love as the main thing that is looked for in a relationship is actually just the different trust and respect each has for each other..

2004-03-09T23:27:00.000+09:30

today rocks man.. never tot that having service learning would be sooo fun.. honestly i wished he was here as well bt hacks.. the popo was more fun.. hee.. shi chee was the popo's name.. she was the only one who let us in today the rest were all so scared of us.. hmmm very shocking that fairfield students would do tt to the old people.. tt is the attitude one of the girls showed.. purely no respect at all.. sook cheng.. bi&#$.. even i as a pure slacker in this gave my outmost willingness into doing my part as a service giving student in this learning programe.. some people just do not know how these old people feel until they become the old people themselves.. the story that we heard today from popo shi chee was about all her different body complications that she suffers everyday.. and the small living condition of her flat.. really pitiful..

2004-03-09T03:16:00.000+09:30

Today they should have left for their trip le.. i should hope for a enjoyable trip for them bt instead, i wished he returned earlier.. if only the trip was canceled then everything would be good le.. well i think i should learn to cope..
the service learning for us rocks as we gotta really try.. emiko and i really did put in the efforts to try our best.. hope for the best tomorrow..

2004-03-06T23:12:00.000+09:30

Each time i look at him it seems to bring out a certain feeling from deep inside telling me how much i love him.. yet each time i try to talk to him one on one it seems difficult.. how why wat wat should i do???